Beaches! Bonfires! Bobs!

Mayreau, The Grenadines, West Indies

Last week I posted something called 5 Reasons You Should Give Bob Schneider A Try. And you should still totally do that! But I wanted to point out that Bob Schneider is far from the only Bob suitable for your beach, bonfire, or backyard event. There are, in fact, many other Bobs to choose from!

"But Johnny!" you cry. Which Bob is right for me? Well I'm glad you asked. Hopefully this simple guide will help!

Marley: the beachiest of the Bobs. Bob Marley is the king of all Bobs. He always will be too, so let's just consider that point settled. This is especially true when it comes to beach parties. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, "beach party" has come to mean "Party Where We Play the Legend Greatest Hits Album on Repeat for Five Straight Hours." If you ever crashed a frat party in late January, one of those where they dump a truck load of sand in the basement and hand out leis at the front door ("GET LEID!" the sign says, inevitably), then you know what I mean. You're going to have to jettison those grim memories though because your summer soundtrack definitely needs some Bob Marley (a little Damian and Ziggy wouldn't hurt either). Just choose any album other than Legend. And don't wear one of those knit hats with fake dreads. That shit's wack.

Dylan: the worst singer of the Bobs. This is another point we can consider settled. But Dylan is also the best songwriter of the Bobs. This combination makes him popular with bonfire balladeers the world over. With Dylan, you've got impressive material to work with. But at the same time, you know your crap voice will hold up fine when compared to the original. 

Weir: the guy whose band most reminds me of hanging out at The Pub in college, of the Bobs. I don't know a ton about the Grateful Dead except they were in constant rotation on the jukebox at The Pub while I was skipping class to play foosball. And I've always loved Sublime's cover of Scarlet Begonias. 

Seger: you know you secretly love him so just admit it, of the Bobs. You know I'm right. Quit trying to be so cool.

Stinson and Mould: The generally way too loud for bonfires, of the Bobs. Typically, any extended set of Replacements or Husker Dü around a fire will be met with disapproval from attendees. So why did I include them here? Because this! There will sometimes be one person in attendance. They'll be in their 40s and wearing Chuck Taylor's. They will have three earrings in each ear (whether male or female). They'll be attractive in that enticingly well-worn way. This person LOVED the Mats. This person will love your choice of music. And as a result, this person will make out with you. 

So! That's a lot of Bobs to choose from! Hopefully this guide will prove helpful when you're planning your next outdoor event.