All hail the lime!
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PHOTO: @Tobiassupplyco
When I named this site, I knew what I was doing. I knew that nobody's ever uttered the words "bring yams." I knew that Bringcauliflower.com wouldn't make the shortlist. That's because, except for the lime, all fruits and vegetables are stupid. They should rename the produce aisle at the grocery store "the stupid aisle and also limes."
Why? The lime is the original superfood. Actually it's the only superfood, because all other food is stupid too. The only thing food knows how to do is get eaten. Now, of course, limes are good in that capacity too. As an ingredient, lime is perfect drizzled over fish, chicken, beef, noodles, and mexican lagers. But it can do so much more...
The lime is medicinal! Looking to thwart some scurvy? Time for a lime run!
The lime is ritualistic! Repeat after me: Lime... tequila... salt. Lime... tequila... salt. Lime... tequila... and then get hassled by the cops for playing the trombone. As a note, my arrest report focused more on the nudity than the trombone but, you know, whatever.
The lime is an insult enhancer! "Ya limey bastard!" Yes, this is a good saying that you might consider using more often. It's rooted in the medicinal qualities of limes actually. The British Navy originally figured out that limes helped their seamen (heh) avoid scurvy. Scurvy was a huge problem so they took to sailing with a butt-load (technically boat-load) of limes. Eventually they became known as "limeys." I assume that prior to this development, the saying was just "ya bastard!"
The lime is a coconut go-inner! "You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both up." Never doubt Harry Nilsson. Ever. About anything.
The lime is mathematical! It turns out your teacher was right – you did end up needing math later in life! But only for this algorithm: 1 part sour, 2 parts sweet, 3 parts strong, and 4 parts weak. The universal formula for the perfect rum punch. Where sour=lime, sweet=sweetener, strong=rum, and weak=water/club soda. Also: my math says that "3 parts strong" = "more than 3 parts strong."
The lime is a freaking kitchen appliance! Do you know of any food that cooks other food for you? No you don't, because that would be ludicrous. Except for the lime. The lime will cook your fish. While you pass the time catching more fish! Ceviché, the Cadillac of seaside seafood, is the crowning achievement of the lime. A triumph of will and acidity. A shining example of what you can accomplish if you just believe. In limes.
The lime is margaritas! Consider this debate over.